How to Be Present Over Perfect
At the end of the day, we all have good intentions. I truly believe that. We want to be a great mom, wife, sister, daughter, employee, etc all while keeping the house clean, maintaining the laundry and pantry.
The to do list is never ending and the kids are ever demanding. And it’s also probably pretty accurate that we tend to be mediocre at most everything listed above. Mediocre works. Mediocre gets the job done and that’s ok.
Being a mom is hard, and it’s demanding. Pure exhaustion is something experienced more frequently than not these days. Reflecting at the end of the day is something that has personally helped with my mood and in feeling grateful even after a long day.
We all make mistakes and days do not always go as planned. We find ourselves getting distracted with a task not prioritized on the to do list, a chatting with a neighbor for too long, or browsing through social media more than planned.
I think the important message that I’m trying to spit out is that WE CAN’T DO IT ALL. WE CAN’T BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME. Do I need to say that louder for the people in the back?! Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop thinking you can do it all. It’s not possible.
Life only happens once, in case that hasn’t sunk in yet. Our bodies are only physically present on this earth for a small period of time. Stop worrying about what others think, or trying to be the most popular mom in the neighborhood- We are grown adults and hopefully have moved on from the popularity contest.
What REALLY matters in this life? Go back in your mind to when you welcomed your child(ren) into this world. Think about seeing their face for the first time and imagining them thriving the being happy and loved. When did that go away? Have you noticed if your priorities have shifted?
I don’t mean forget about the to do list, or giving up on maintaining the house. That is all a part of life and necessary to address in this life as well. Parents created children to raise the children, to parent them, to be there for them. Why do our phones take priority now? Why do celebrities’ lives mean so much to us? Why does being popular, skinnier than SuzieQ matter? These should not take priority over children.
Being present in the lives of our children need to start being the priority again. The endless to do lists, the social media apps, the gossip should be secondary. Becoming present over perfect will most definitely be a work in progress.
That is the main take away- recognizing that an action needs to begin. A change in mindset. Realizing we can’t do it all and shifting priorities to seeing the kids grow up. Watching them play dolls and color. Looking them in the eyes as they ask a question without having to respond “what?” several times because our nose was buried in the phone should become the new norm.
All this to say that no one is perfect- Even in recognizing this, knowing that there is a lot of work to do to change these bad habits. Embrace your kids childhood by showing them that they are the priority. Know your resources and use them. Here are some tips to help you get started.
Check out books from your local library regarding less phone time and changing habits
Keep your phone in the other room and turn the volume up so if there is an important call or text it can be addressed
Changing the mindset to: I can check social media when the kids are in bed, it’s not going anywhere. The important pieces of the social media announcements will still be there whenever you return. You truly won’t miss out on anything.
Setting aside a certain time frame to be on your phone
Changing the setting on your phone for there to be "downtime" on a daily basis
Turning off notifications on your phone to decrease interruptions and from checking it every time a notification comes in
Create a routine that works for your schedule: either check your phone first thing in the morning and then not again until after kid's bedtime; or wait an hour or so until kids are at school and only have 1-2 hour(s) time frame to be able to check social media [find what works for you, and make it something you can keep up with]
Start monitoring social media use with someone else to keep you accountable
Ultimately, it is up to us to decide what truly matters. Being perfect is extremely hard to complete all the time without lacking in other areas. Something's gotta give! Good luck on your journey and know what it won't happen in one day. Give yourself some grace and embrace the journey. You will become happier knowing you are giving your undivided attention to your precious children, and this is what really matters.